I love to watch dating programmes. There’s something really interesting about seeing people interacting with a stranger. It’s also so lovely to see people being happy and finding someone they really like, and the hope they have for the future. Whether First Dates or Married at First Sight there is always a common answer to the person behind the camera asking “Why are you doing this?” And the common answer is “I’m ready to settle down”.
Why settle down?
I’m always intrigued by what people mean when they say this. What have they been doing until now? Have they just been putting themselves out there to the whole world, sleeping with everyone? That’s fine. But what if they really liked one of those people. Have they just moved on and not seen them again because they weren’t ready to settle down? I thought you couldn’t put a timing on love.
If you live your life this way surely it’s because you like living that way. I’ve seen numerous people saying they’ve been heartbreakers in the past but now they need to settle down. They always get a slight glimmer in their eye when they talk of their behaviour until now. If people enjoy the chase and meeting new people and having sex with someone for the first time, maybe they’re just not a commitment kind of person. Are they choosing to settle down because this is what society expects? Staying with someone you don’t want to be with, because it’s the done thing?
Every time you meet someone on a date or a night out or whatever aren’t you evaluating how much you like them already? Surely this is the same as dating when you’re looking for “the one”. I’m not sure what they’re planning on doing differently now. You date someone until you don’t want to anymore. Why are people putting pressure on everyone they meet that it could be the last relationship they start? That’s scary.
When to settle down
And at what point do people decide that it’s time to settle down? Is it a certain age? When you’re ready to have kids? You’ve reached a certain number of sexual partners? Does it differ for men and women? Men after all can have kids at any age, whereas naturally women cannot.
If having kids is such a big thing that you’d choose to change the way you live your life and put everything into finding someone to spend forever with, why not just spend some money securing your own future and getting some eggs frozen. That way you can take your time finding someone you actually really want to be with, and have kids whenever you want. Or just have kids whenever you want by yourself. We have the technology!
A lot of people talk of being left behind as they’re friends all get married. The divorce rate is now 50% so in 10 years time half of them will be single again anyway, so what are you worried about? Then you’ll be the odd one out sat at home with your betrothed while they’re out on the razz without you.
I think this whole concept of settling down needs to do one. Having a set time where you clearly state you’re settling down gives too many people the excuse to do what they want and treat people like crap before this. We need to lose this strange life goal of finding a partner. Finding someone you want to be with forever should be the result of having a great life, it won’t bring you a great life. You have to build the life for yourself that makes you happy, stop relying on someone else.
When you’re happy and living your life to your own fulfilment, that’s when you’ll find someone worth hanging around. And it will happen naturally. Stop forcing it because your family or friends tell you that you should be as miserable as most of them are. Watching you being in charge of your own destiny will make people jealous, this is where it comes from for them to want to make you live like them. Don’t fall for it. Fall for yourself instead and the great life you’ll create.