Yesterday was the 1st of January and I enjoyed a glass of champagne whilst on a video call with some friends. “You drank in January?” I hear you cry. Well yes, I did. Because I am an adult and can do what the fuck I like. Honestly, there are so many rules now that people feel they must follow. No wonder we’re a nation of anxiety sufferers. Just keeping up with what you’re meant to be doing is exhausting, let alone actually then doing it.

These rules have come along from social media campaigns and trends, and some have been around for ever. But really, they’re all bullshit. There is some kind of feeling that knowing about these rules and following them some how makes you cosmopolitan. To be able to not do something that you want to somehow makes you a better person.

Making money for charity is a wonderful thing, so I have no problem with people doing “dry January” or “Stoptober” for this reason. But what does piss me off is the feeling that everyone should be doing these things. There’s a collective pressure on us all to do the same things like some modern tradition. If you’re suffering because you want a beer that’s on you. Sometimes I may go a whole month without a drink anyway (OK truth time, that literally never happens), but when I want one I will not be made to feel guilty about it just because it’s January. My God, there’s enough to feel guilty about in life already without all this crap.


There are many rules around what you should wear. You shouldn’t wear blue and black together, and blue and green should never been seen. Not being funny but jeans and a nice top is the go to of any woman, and no matter what colour the top it will look great. Jeans and a black top is the staple of the 30s woman. And if you have the confidence to get out your boobs and legs at the same time then power to you girl.

We also have the rule that you can’t wear gold and silver jewellery together, which is another load of crap. Jewellery is jewellery and will look good no matter what else you’re wearing with it. These fashion rules are made up so we buy more stuff to all wear separately. I say do a Joey- wear everything you own at once (unless everything you own is very, very expensive and then maybe proceed with caution (don’t want any walking targets)).


Food rules I don’t even know where to begin with. A lot of these rules are there to help us be healthy which of course makes sense. But really as long as you have things in moderation- you will be fine! If you have a craving for a curry at 10am then eat a curry at 10am. The same as cereal is not only for breakfast. Rice Krispies was a staple of my diet when I was a student and I’m not morbidly obese. If you want to have a one off meal of completely beige food then go for it- there is no greater joy in life than a plate of turkey dinosaurs, curly fries, and beans (maybe the odd potato waffle if you’re feeling flush).

You may also eat after 8pm if you want to. Maybe Rihanna doesn’t, but so what. I highly doubt that she has her figure from following this one rule only. If you have some Brie in the fridge which is going out of date soon and you want to eat it instead of throw it away- eat it! Even if it’s 9pm, you crazy son of a bitch. You are allowed to make that choice.

You are also allowed to have coffee after 3pm if you so choose. Go on, be a rebel- order an afternoon Costa. The world is full of people having espressos after their evening meal, yet in the UK we’ve some how got around to thinking that we won’t sleep if we have caffeine after lunch. Well the rest of the world seems to be OK.

No more rules

This new year I have made the healthy resolution to not deal in bullshit, and these rules fall into this category. Make your own rules to live by instead of trying to fit into someone else’s ideal. Be your own referee. I think this is the key to true happiness.