Farting is one of the great joys in life. It can be a source of great amusement if timed correctly. The great thing about farting is that you never know what it will sound or smell like until you’ve done it. It is one of life’s great mysteries until it is out there. There is also something really special about having the secret that you’ve done one, especially in public. The thrill that it may come out really loud and someone will hear is a glorious thing. But there is still the strange stigma that some people hold that women don’t or shouldn’t do this.

Hold it in

A knew a girl once who never farted in front of her partner. Like never. They’d been together for years and she lived with him. She said she just did it when she went to the toilet. She said it’s not something that women should do, and she found it embarrassing to talk about. During this conversation at work, I and another colleague stated that if we left the room every time we wanted to fart we’d only see our partners for about an hour a day. Also, it would surely have to all come out in your sleep if you held it in whilst awake, right?

I was watching the first series of Sex and the City again over the second lockdown. During one of the episodes, Carrie accidentally farts whilst in bed with Big. She becomes really embarrassed about it. She then sleeps over at his three times in a row without having sex and seems to attribute this to the fact that she farted in front of him. Therefore he now knows that she isn’t perfect. Miranda’s response is “It’s not the fucking fart”. In true Miranda style, she says it as it is, no messing. And you would hope that farting wouldn’t put someone off you as it’s only biology. But I do know someone this happened to.

The farting date

A colleague of mine a few years ago came out with this story one day which I find hysterical and also infuriating. She went out on a dinner date with a guy followed by a few drinks. They then went back to his and he said there were some beers in the fridge if she wanted one. She said that would be great and as she was standing near the fridge at the time she said she’d get them out. The fridge was a single unit and she stood at the left side of it to open it. Turns out the fridge door opened at the right side though. So she pulled it open and then leaned over the door to reach inside for the beers. As she was leaning over it she let out an almighty fart she didn’t even know was coming (we’ve all been there). She obviously started laughing, as anyone would, part through humour and part through embarrassment. When she looked over at him he wasn’t laughing though and asked her to leave, which made her laugh even more- what a funny joke. Except he wasn’t joking. He stating that she was disgusting and seriously asked her to leave.

The thing I love about that story is that somewhere there is a guy telling his side of the story of the disgusting girl that farted in his apartment. I can only hope that whoever he tells it to gives him a reality check that everyone farts and he missed out on sex due to his pathetic ideals that women shouldn’t pass gas.

Women fart

I mean there are over 20 years in between that episode of Sex and the City and my friend being turfed out of her dates apartment. Does this mean we’ve come nowhere in people’s opinions on how a lady should behave? How ridiculous. When are we finally going to all come to terms with the fact that women are human beings with the same bodily functions as men, and get rid of this prehistoric idea that we should behave differently? Snoop Dog once put it perfectly in an interview I saw of him “If she can hold that in, what else is she hiding?”

I’m not saying that we should all just walk about letting it all go with no manners at all (man or woman), but if you can’t fart in your own home and have a good laugh at your own brand what a sad existence we’re creating. I say my friend had a lucky escape and maybe this is a good test for a first date in future. If he can’t handle a fart, I doubt he can handle you.